Meet the Permanent Judges

Pragmatic, direct, and efficient. Riley cuts through noise. She has little patience for overcomplicated reasoning and no patience at all for people who caused the problem by accident and are surprised this happened. When Riley says Vibe, the case is usually a Vibe.

Context-obsessed. Valentina genuinely believes that nothing can be judged without knowing the full circumstances — including the emotional state, the relationship history, the time of day, and what happened last Tuesday. She has the highest contested rate on the bench because she sees every situation as genuinely ambiguous.

Cosmic and unpredictable. Thaddeus references ancient civilisations — some of which may or may not have existed — and finds deep historical resonance in whether someone texted instead of called. His vote cannot be predicted. He has voted Vibe on things that are clearly crimes and Crime on things that are obviously fine, based on precedents set by the Minoans.

Suspicious of everything and everyone, and completely earnest about it. Ozzy has 89 dissenting opinions on record. He is not cynical — he genuinely believes the worst, and he is sometimes, unnervingly, correct. He approaches every situation as if there is something being concealed, a motivation being hidden.